Several Things, Poorly Written

I was at the gym last night and I noticed something interesting. Let me start off by saying that I am generally a first things in the morning type of gym go-er, and I am used to the people that I see there at 5:30 am. Sleep still in their eyes, slightly disheveled and alternating between "happy to be here" and "why am I doing this to myself", these are my people. (NB: I go to a gym in a suburb. One of the reasons I go to this gym is that it is not a meet/meat market. I go to work out, tan occasionally, and feel slightly better about myself. I am not looking to meet someone at the gym, though I may be semi-interested in dating again as a concept, but I will get to that later). The evening crew is different. While the bell for the morning crew is largely 27 to 40 and dedicated to working out, the evening crew…well…skewing both young and older (or flattening out the bell, so to speak) and…well…

Ugly.

When I looked around and thought to myself (not proudly but sadly) that I was one of the best looking people in the building, I realized that this is why I work out here. Not to feel better through physical work but to feel better by not being those people.

Speaking of (or writing about) interesting people, I mentioned earlier that I am tentatively putting my pinkie toe into the ocean of on-line dating. I have gone to one of the free sites that matches you up based on interest and location (and they even provide the math behind how they make the match, if you are in to that kind of thing) and I was matched with a twenty four year old hetero-flexible alterna-chick. She had checked out my profile several time over the last couple of days and I was ever so slightly tempted to send her a message, but…she was too young and maybe (just maybe) too conspicuously different for me (and from me)…

and then this morning…

I saw her walking her dogs and realized that I had fallen victim to a "MySpace" photo angle. I was with a friend at the time, and she remarked, "Well, I am sure that she has a nice personality."

When one of the sweetest people I know, who never says a negative word about anyone, and who can put up with an enormous amount of shit from anyone snarks about someone without meeting them, you know that there may be an issue.

*sigh*

Part of me is resigned to being happily alone, while part of me wants to find that one person.

You know the one that I am talking about…the person that you fit with like a well worn puzzle piece. Hopefully, they are out there, and not encumbered by fears…and will allow themselves something…I know that I am damaged and I know that I am attracted to damaged women and the sad thing is that sometimes we are both too damaged to make it work.

Which means that the concept of "dating" is terrifying for me.

Following up on the smoking thing…

Ever since I wrote that out, I have been thinking about my relationship with tobacco and I have not had a cigarette since Sunday evening. I am not saying that I have quit, nor am I saying that I will never smoke again. All I am saying is that I haven't had a cigarette since Sunday evening.

Oh, and I am listening to OK Go and kind of hating myself for it.