Saturday, June 4, 2011

Randomness

•I was having a great night with the wonderful Ms. Lee until I received a phone call that ways terrifying mostly because without good information, I went to the apocalyptic level.

•If I ever get to the point where bladder control is an issue. Please do everything to hasten my demise.

•I do not know if what John Edwards is accused of is illegal. I understand that what he has done, and how he has lived his life, is immoral.

•Today is a great day for baseball.

•I want there to be a new Bob Ross. "Happy Little Trees" are awesome.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Is this not the most awesome painting ever?

Think about it. Is it a mushroom cloud? Is it a sunset?

Yes, that is black velvet.

How wonderfully awesome.

Of course I purchased it.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

There is no excuse...


And he was going to run for President?

I mean...pizza with a knife and fork is a sin. Especially when you are in New York.

*shakes head*

No one who speaks German can be evil...

When I sent this to a friend, my only question was, "So...you can escape?"

My fear as I start looking for a new place to live, I am going to run into things like this.

"I am a German guy in my thirties with a small but very cozy and warm apartment to share on the Upper East. I sleep on a futon in the living room; you have your own private room with a window going out to the fire escape."

The 13 Worst Things I Found on Craigslist While Looking for a NYC Sublet | The Awl

Cell Phones and Cancer


Remember Lee Atwater? (Of course you don't. Children.) His death has been largely blamed on cellphone use.

I will admit that I use my phone too much, but up until a year ago, I was good about using my headset. That has fallen by the wayside a bit. But with the most recent announcement, I think I am going to go back to using the headset...it is not that I can forgo the use of a cell phone.

That being said, also on the list of things that may cause cancer: coffee and pickles. Yay.



Image via Someecards.com

Dreams run on Dunkin.

This dream can be blamed on tamales. That is what I am going with and sticking to.

My father and I were walking through the 20 Mall in Guilderland (which is odd in and of itself) and we decided, rather he decided, to check the door on the closed Dunkin Donuts.

It was open and we went to, we took three donuts and a cooler(?) but there was never a conversation about checking the register. At that point, one of the workers came in, found us, and called his manager. He wasn't going to call the police.

He sat my father and I in the one of the booths and we waited. There was some conversation until I decided that I was done waiting around, and got up to leave and the worker put his hand on my shoulder. This allowed me to out him in an armbar and it quickly became a hostage situation.

It was weirder from there on but with every moment it is passing.

Note to self: Continue to avoid Dunkin Donuts, especially with my father.

This is the funny

Especially if you are (like me) excessively geeky...



Yes, Margaret, there is a George Lucas.

Via Ebert

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Guilty Pleasure Song #11

Is it really 11? I haven't been keeping track. Not that it matters...

This one is a big one, and I was reminded of it during a conversation with Teacher Dave a couple of weeks ago.

It is from a great band (one of the greatest) and it is a great song, so why is it a guilty pleasure.



Yep, that's the Rolling Stones, and that is "Miss You".

So, why do I feel guilt about this?

Well...I blame Stephen Metcalf from Slate. A couple of years ago, when they were doing their now annual "What is going to be the song of the summer?" segment on Slate's Culture Gabfest, he mentioned that this was the song that he recognized as being the last song that every station played. Regardless of genre, it made the playlist, and it does work that way. So...I added it to my summer playlist, with some trite title.

I listened to that playlist a lot that summer, and I fell in love with this song. I have a very distinct image in my head of what this song is about, and when the weather hit the low nineties today (and I was in a suit), I put it on, plugged my headphones in and just...relaxed to the music.

Thank you, Kid, and keep fighting!

I know that the baseball fans among my readers are familiar with Gary Carter, and that some of you are aware that he had been experiencing medical issues.

The Palm Beach Post reported last night that his tumors are inoperable.


When I was young, there was one thing that I really coveted and that belonged to my brother's best friend. It was an autographed picture of Kid Carter and Rocket Clemens from the '86 World Series. The two of them standing together. I wanted that picture. I was (and remain) a Mets fan. Gary Carter was never my favorite but he was always the one I wanted to see bat. (For those of you wondering, it was Dwight "Doc" Gooden.)

Gary Carter was a ball player. He is also, reportedly, a very good man.

I wish you the best of luck, Kid, and I hope that you will be ready for Spring Training.

I still do not believe in magic...

Not that long ago, I was looking for a book suggestion, and someone pointed me in the direction of China Mieville's Kraken.

I will admit that there was some trepidation going into this, mainly based on Mieville's history of writing fantasy novels. (As you may remember, I am a genre guy, but I lean to the more speculative fiction side of the debate, especially works that are based in our world...see: Gibson, William.) When I think of fantasy, I think wizards, and spells, and awful imagery (not awful in the graphic sense but more like the "one" with special powers who dies, and resurrects to save the world...see: Potter, Harry.) that takes me out of the narrative and makes me want to shake the author for being...disingenuous(?) or using magic as a crutch to drive the story forward. Write yourself into a corner, introduce a "special" ability of the protagonist and "BOOM" there is now a pathway from your corner to the third act.

This is not to say that speculative fiction, especially Hard Sci-Fi, does not suffer from this as well, generally in the ability of a reasonably primitive culture to utilize some wonderfully advanced alien artifact in order to "save the day/planet/galaxy". For an example of this, see: Stargate...any iteration. Star Trek would always re-purpose their engines to do something amazing within the last twenty minutes of broadcast, saving the day, et cetera. One of the things that made me love the re-imagining of Battlestar Galactica was Ronald D. Moore's promise to fans that he would not use "science as magic" to drive the story forward, and he mostly lived up to this until the end of the series, where he went off the rails and had actual FRACKING ANGELS. (Yes, I am still bitter. I will remain bitter.)

Yes, someone will remind me of the quote from Arthur C. Clarke. Yes, yes. I understand. It is still a cheat. Alastair Reynolds makes his physics work, and while he does have a Ph.D in the stuff, his writing does not suffer from over explanation or the "science is magic crutch.

"Why don't you like magic?"

Well, because it is not real. Magic, and the supernatural, can be easily explained, and if it cannot be explain yet, it will be soon. Like the canals on Mars (which may have been apocryphal to begin with), with a little time and understanding of what people are actually seeing, a natural explanation, that works withing physics will be put forth. One of the (myriad) of reasons that I do not like cars is because they have become so advanced that I cannot understand how they really work. There are too many subsystems that are locked to the user and non-serviceable that they become...wait for it...magical. One of the reasons I like Open Source is that if you want to get into the nitty-gritty of what is going on under the hood of your computer, you are allowed, encouraged even, to do so. There is an order to my universe and I want my fiction to follow that same order. Sure, orcs were cool...when I was eleven.

But, I am off topic...

So, Kraken is about magic. Magic (called knacking), cults, gods (and Gods), and competing apocalypii (I am assuming that is how you pluralize apocalypse. Edify me.) as well as having the some of the characters speak in something that I would have difficulty describing as English, some patois of lower class English that was undecipherable for me for the first one hundred pages.

Yes, I read it. Yes, it was enjoyable, and for five hundred pages, a surprisingly quick read. Is it a great book? No. It is, however, well written and almost playful. I found myself laughing at various aspects of the story (the manufactured soul who had created a union of magical creatures and then set the union on strike...that is the funny.) and generally laughing at the story itself. I went through reviews after finishing the novel and saw that Kraken was described as "Pynchon-esque". I would not go that far, for both good and bad reasons. Pynchon has never written anything, or I have never read anything by Pynchon, that made me laugh out loud, and Mieville was a much more accessible author. Actually, the comparison to Pynchon, who some people love (I am not among them) is unfair because Mieville is better, at least for what is a beach book.

I spoke to a friend who had read this, and made the comparison to "House of Leaves" (which is another book that I alternately love for being so weird and readable while hating for the use of "magic") and I did not see it immediately however, I understand.

Anyway, if you want an odd book, about gods and men, cults and cops, and a curator who gets caught in the middle, plus a fun beach book, I suggest this.

Especially if you are by a body of water.

Three Truths and a Lie

You know the game...let's play.

  • I am never without an iPhone charger.
  • I only wear jeans because they are convenient.
  • I was a huge fan of Rosanne as a kid. Joss was a writer.
  • I did not enjoy "The Hangover" the first time I saw it.
Ok, which is which?

And no, I cannot sleep.  Why do you ask?

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

My Top 25 Songs of the 2011...so far (May)

Blah blah blah...tracking my music for a year, posting it is monthly increments...

Anyway, here is the list for May.

1. See America Right - The Mountain Goats
2. Down By The Water - The Decemberists
3. Southwood Plantation Road - The Mountain Goats
4. Circles - Bob Mould
5. America - Simon & Garfunkel
6. Falling to Pieces - Faith No More
7. Dry the Rain - The Beta Band
8. Choose Drugs - Juliana Hatfield
9. Jump In the River - Sinéad O'Connor
10. Queen Of Apology - The Sounds
11. Running With The Night - Lionel Richie
12. Sax And Violins - Talking Heads
13. O Girlfriend - Weezer
14. Gaper's Delay - Holy Roman Empire
15. Brass In Pocket - The Pretenders
16. When Doves Cry - Prince
17. The Hurdy Gurdy Man - Butthole Surfers
18. Rikki Don't Lose That Number - Steely Dan
19. (Nothing But) Flowers - Talking Heads
20. Ready To Start - Arcade Fire
21. Punk Rock Girl - The Dead Milkmen
22. Oceanographer's Choice - The Mountain Goats
23. Green Mind - Dinosaur Jr
24. National Ransom - Elvis Costello
25. Hey Joe - Jimi Hendrix

Yes, I know...odd choices. I do not care.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Men men men men manly men...

A Bronx man was arrested yesterday for threatening to blow up WPIX-11 headquarters if it kept airing reruns of the suspended "Two and a Half Men," sources said.

Cops easily traced the calls placed May 11 and Monday to Freddy Caldwell's home, and charged him with falsely reporting an incident and aggravated harassment.

Bronx man allegedly threatened to blow up TV station over 'Two and a Half Men' reruns - NYPOST.com

Via Vulture.

Things for this Monday Morning

  • I remember who dream woman was when I awoke this morning and realized that she has been in my dreams for two weeks.
  • I love the way that I feel when my skin has a bit of color. I guess I was very lucky to be able to do this stuff outside.
  • When I studied for things like the RHCE, I had time.  Cramming this much into my head after not having touched it for two years is...maddening.  The worst part about this is that I knew that I knew this at one point and now I am struggling to remember.  Well, 24 hours.
  • Anthony Weiner's weiner.  When I sent this to someone on Saturday night, they didn't care.  I don't think that anyone cares now.  I just find myself laughing at it.
  • Yes, you can start wearing your seersucker and linen now.  If you do not own seersucker, well...you were not raised right.
  • Let us not forget their names, their sacrifice, and their willingness to fight and die for an idea.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

The terrorists are going to blow up the autobahn.

No, I do not know of any plot by any organization to destroy Germany's best known thoroughfare, I just had a weird dream. (I blame the dumplings.)


My brother and I were headed out for the evening to meet a female friend of mine (and I will be damned, but I cannot remember who it was. I suppose it is not important to you, but...I wanted to see this woman, even though I do not believe it was a romantic situation) at a bar but we had a couple of stops to make beforehand, including Price Chopper.

Why did we have to go to Price Chopper? Well, they were going to hold on to my beer for me while we were out. Making sure that it was safe and such. I had a mixed case of bottles (namely, Molson Canadian and other generic brands) and I knew that I had to take the with me, but I could not bring them to the bar. So...off to Price Chopper.

As I was walking into the building, with my wilted and rapidly disintegrating case of cheap beer, I saw three olive skin men sitting in a van and they were talking into their walkie-talkies about how their plot to blow up the Autobahn. I freaked out inside, but tried to remain calm. I walked into the store on stiff legs, through the exit door, and that is when the case of beer lost structural integrity and there was beer and broken glass all over the floor but...only one bottle had fallen and shattered.

I dropped my box off in the cooler, and walked back to the truck. (Yes, my brother was in a truck.) I walked around the terrorist van but I could still hear their laughter and then watched then take off. I got to the truck and told my brother about the broken beer and the terrorist plot. His suggestion was that I get the beer back and do not say anything to anyone because I will be blamed for the terrorist attack if I speak up. This made sense to dream me. I head back in to Price Chopper to get my beer, this time avoiding the people walking in and out of the store because I am afraid that they will freak out and trample me when they hear about the attack. I avoided the broken glass from my first trip, entered the store, grab my case, and walked out. The box was still falling apart and it caused me to struggle. Adding to my struggle, I had forgotten which way it was to get back to my brother.

I ended up walking to the highway, which took me to the bar, where my brother was, as well as random girl.

It was...amazing.