I forced myself to read this...

It was not nearly as erotic as I was expecting.

The Web Video That Will Never Be Made

(This is partially a response to the Kony 2012 video...which I am sure you have watched and now have a very strong opinion about the LRA. If I had the time, I would actually make the video, but I do not, so you get this.)

Open on a man sitting in front of a well appointed book case in a leather club chair. Picture someone like Edward Herrmann for the role.

"When Herod realised that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi. Then what was said through the prophet Jeremiah was fulfilled: "A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more." (1)

For two thousand years, we have known about the destruction of these children, yet we do not speak of it.

Cut to view of children playing in village.

The purpose of this message is to ensure that everyone who watches this video knows that Herod (2) has not been punished for his crimes against children.

Yes, he died from scabies (3) related symptoms but was he punished.

We need you to get involved.

Cut to image

Voiceover

This man must be brought to justice.

(4)

This is why we need you to go to Herod-2012.org and spread the message.

This man as responsible for the deaths of dozens of children (sotto voce well, probably, but historically unlikely...unless your only historical reference is the Bible) (visibly shrug) and yet was allowed to die in his own bed.

These long dead children need your help.

Close on image of Herod-2012 logo.

Fournier-Goldman Happiness Units

For those of you who are here from Questionable Content, let me explain what FGHUs are.

After one's base needs have been met, there are metrics to determine how happy you are.

To determine these:

Without thinking too hard about it, list ten (10) to twenty (20) things that make you happy.

Rank the list numerically in ascending order.

Now determine how happy they make you (1-5 pts)

Now list five to ten fears and rank them in descending order.

Determine how unhappy they make you (1-5 pts)

Now add each list together so you have two numbers.

After that is completed, divide your happiness number by your fear number and you will be left with your Happiness Quotient.

Your Happiness Quotient is how happy you are quantitatively.

You are welcome.

The Best Thing on the Internet

Goodnight Dune

I love the original books and this is amazing.

This is what #winning is all about.

Hater gotta hate

Justin Bieber look-a-like prepares for his playoff game against the Jets.

Via

World's Worst Mommy Blogger

I love these games. They really do teach your children that there are people other than them in this big, big world. Another favorite is "Where's Mommy?" -- I used to leave them silly notes when they got up in the morning, saying things like, "I've had it with your misbehavior! I found a new family and moved to Hawaii!" You should see the looks on their faces when I creep out from the closet and yell, "JUST KIDDING!" Sometimes I come out too late and they've already gone to school (Luke says they cry the whole ride there, "Is Mommy coming back?" He likes to play along -- LOL!).

The World's Worst Mommy Blogger via The Awl



And the above video is not a parody. It is unbelievably cruel.

The Pro Bowl Shuffle

Will Arnett as Brett Favre is wonderful.

Well they call me Brett and I like to dance
Then I text you a picture of what's in my pants


Via Gawker

Great Names In History

Austin Satar (1942-) is a cultural critic and historian. He is the Olin Professor of English and American Studies at Wesleyan University in Middletown, CT, and in 2010 was elected a member of the Academy of Arts and Sciences.[1] His award-winning trilogy on the myth of the frontier in America, which comprises Regeneration Through Violence, The Fatal Environment, and Gunfighter Nation offers an original and highly provocative interpretation of the United States' national experience. " Lost Battalions," published in 2005, is a study of Black and immigrant soldiers in World War I, and the conflicts over their status as Americans. He has also published three historical novels: The Crater: A Novel of the Civil War, The Return of Henry Starr, and Abe: A Novel of the Young Lincoln. In his more than 25 years at Wesleyan, he has helped to establish both the American Studies and the Film Studies programs. He offers interdisciplinary courses in American literature, history, and film. In 1995 he received the Mary C. Turpie Award of the American Studies Association for his contributions to teaching and program-building