Okay, so you have read about the contest.
The other day, JMFJT offered a suggestion and I am asking you if you think that I should choose option B.
Option B: I take my mom out to dinner, just because.
If you think that I should take my mother, just comment "Mom" either here or on AFM on Facebook.
Showing posts with label JMFJT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JMFJT. Show all posts
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Cry Havoc and Let Loose the Dogs of War
JMFJT is incapable of keeping an opinion to herself. (I am a pot here.)
She now has a forum to vent. Seriously. While before her victims were people within earshot, now she has the population of the planet.
You can find her musings at JMFJT.
Enjoy. Comment. Bookmark. And add her RSS feed.
She now has a forum to vent. Seriously. While before her victims were people within earshot, now she has the population of the planet.
You can find her musings at JMFJT.
Enjoy. Comment. Bookmark. And add her RSS feed.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Friday Randomness
1) It is a classically awful Autumn day in upstate New York. It is around 48 F and rainy.
Of course this is a day that I am volunteering at Habitat for Humanity. (This picture was taken at the Henry Hudson Park in Bethlehem, NY by Teacher Dave.)
B) I had a dream last night that involved (in this order) a $56000.00 National Grid bill, being kicked out of my home by my mother, a nuclear holocaust, my father serving tainted apple juice to TEA, TEA dying of radiation sickness, Curly & I being kicked out of my father's home so Dad could bury TEA, Curly drinking irradiated water and dying in a flood, getting radiation burns on my forearm, getting picked up by ECS and going to Chicago, giving up my netbook with my manuscript on it, finding out that all the people who had ever lived on the various Euclid Avenues (there have been several) in my life were dead, and being beaten by feral children in a looted sporting goods store with baseball bats.
Lesson learned: No goat cheese pizza before bed.
3) JMFJT has a crush on my father. She also mentions this at weird times. Like while snuggling. It is...wait for it...awesome.
4) I am getting to the point where living in Troy is becoming a royal PITA. Suggestions?
5) Name five Springsteen songs that you would suggest for someone who was not familiar with him.
My choices:
•The River (Live)
•Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)
•Thunder Road
•Born to Run
•Atlantic City
Of course this is a day that I am volunteering at Habitat for Humanity. (This picture was taken at the Henry Hudson Park in Bethlehem, NY by Teacher Dave.)
B) I had a dream last night that involved (in this order) a $56000.00 National Grid bill, being kicked out of my home by my mother, a nuclear holocaust, my father serving tainted apple juice to TEA, TEA dying of radiation sickness, Curly & I being kicked out of my father's home so Dad could bury TEA, Curly drinking irradiated water and dying in a flood, getting radiation burns on my forearm, getting picked up by ECS and going to Chicago, giving up my netbook with my manuscript on it, finding out that all the people who had ever lived on the various Euclid Avenues (there have been several) in my life were dead, and being beaten by feral children in a looted sporting goods store with baseball bats.
Lesson learned: No goat cheese pizza before bed.
3) JMFJT has a crush on my father. She also mentions this at weird times. Like while snuggling. It is...wait for it...awesome.
4) I am getting to the point where living in Troy is becoming a royal PITA. Suggestions?
5) Name five Springsteen songs that you would suggest for someone who was not familiar with him.
My choices:
•The River (Live)
•Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)
•Thunder Road
•Born to Run
•Atlantic City
Monday, September 13, 2010
If I Could Turn Back Time……
This is a guest post from JMFJT
I would have never have agreed to attend a networking event at a not-so-local VFW.
This event made a colonoscopy with no anesthesia while eating potato chips seem like a good idea.
Highlights included:
• JMFJT engaging in a competition of sorts with a girl who was what would have been produced if the Hoff and Blondie mated.
• Manders manhandling a jumbo hotdog and not understanding that there were immature people all around her who live for moments like that.
• Who knew an “inn” was synonymous with a “bar?”
• An overly-energetic rendition of “Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning.” This song is more depressing than watching your dog get shot and this guy had mucho gusto.
What did I sing, you ask?
If I Could Turn Back Time – Cher
Heartbreaker – Pat Benatar
No, there are no videos. Yes, you can see it live some random Friday at the Side Door Café.
I would have never have agreed to attend a networking event at a not-so-local VFW.
This event made a colonoscopy with no anesthesia while eating potato chips seem like a good idea.
Highlights included:
• JMFJT engaging in a competition of sorts with a girl who was what would have been produced if the Hoff and Blondie mated.
• Manders manhandling a jumbo hotdog and not understanding that there were immature people all around her who live for moments like that.
• Who knew an “inn” was synonymous with a “bar?”
• An overly-energetic rendition of “Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning.” This song is more depressing than watching your dog get shot and this guy had mucho gusto.
What did I sing, you ask?
If I Could Turn Back Time – Cher
Heartbreaker – Pat Benatar
No, there are no videos. Yes, you can see it live some random Friday at the Side Door Café.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
How I Fail in Emergency Situations
JMFJT and I went to my father's place in the Berkshires to enjoy a hot weekend. It was stifilingly hot in ALB so this was a "no brainer". It was also the suggestion of ECS.
On Saturday, we drank beer*, ate food and relaxed, with the plan being that we would go kayaking Sunday morning. It was amazing.
Sunday, we got up early and got in the water (after a healthy breakfast). We kayaked for two hours on what was a beautiful day. The water was clear, the sky was blue, and the sun was high in the sky, and I had great company.
As the afternoon came upon us, the wind came up and kayaking became more strenious and less...fun. We headed back to my dad's place and enjoyed the sun. I went into the house, got us a couple of beers, and we were relaxing. After about three sips of her beer, JMFJT was starting to feel awful. She was sweating but it was a cold sweat. She needed to lay down. I we tried to negoiate the twelve steps between the back yard and inside the house, she sat down in the middle of the deck. (Had I known a little bit of her medical history, none of the following would have happened...well some of it would...but...you'll see...) I do wish that I had the gift of language to describe the position she was sitting in but it was comical. That being said, I was afriad to laugh. I was afraid she may die and then what am I going to do? Me with a dead girl in the Berkshires?!? Yeah, I would be doing time for that.
At this point, JMFJT mumbles something inaudible (which was supposed to be "Don't call anyone") and lays down. Being concerned that she was...well...going to come back as a zombie and eat me (this is Lovecraft country after all), I try to get her back to a sitting position. This was the wrong thing to do as she promptly passes out again. Eyes rolled in the back of her head passed out. Me thinking that she is seizing passed out. The very real possibility of having a DEAD GIRL IN A HOUSE I DON'T OWN IN A STATE THAT I DON'T LIVE IN. She then started to choke. I lifted her up and got her head between her knees so she didn't pull a Mama Cass and I was sitting behind her, propping her up and praying. That's when she starts to fart. On me. The almost dead choking girl was farting on me.
The next door neighbor sees that something is going on and I ask him to call 9-1-1. (This was also a mistake) As the neighbor is on the phone, she starts coming to.
Her first question: "Am I fucking drooling?"
Yes, yes she was.
I got her a water, and heard the sirens.
As it is on a private road, I went to the front of the house to grab the EMTs (after putting the dog in the house and checking on JMFJT). When I left, she was sitting on the ground, slightly dazed but okay.
This is not how she was when I returned with the fireman who was the first responder.
She was sitting on one of the high deck chairs, with her Yankees hat and sunglasses on, and greeted the fireman with a cheerful, "Hi. How are you?"
She ended up being fine, as well as being awesome when it came to knowing her own blood pressure, and I felt awful for calling the EMTs but...dead girl, Berkshires, and either being eaten by a zombie or going to the House of Corrections. (As an apropos of nothing, the reason Marky Mark got so big so quickly was because he was going to do time in the House of Corrections and he didn't want to be traded for a pack of cigarettes. Good vibrations indeed. However, it is easy to get big quick at 17. Not so much at 36.)
Luckily, we can laugh about it. And...
She farted first in front of me.
*It was not only beer. I introduced JMFJT to the beverage that is known as the "Rum and Coke". This very well may be her downfall, as they are tasty and go down too well for anyone. JMFJT is traditionally a Coors' Light drinker. To paraphrase Ron Burgundy,"(Rum) was a bad choice."
On Saturday, we drank beer*, ate food and relaxed, with the plan being that we would go kayaking Sunday morning. It was amazing.
Sunday, we got up early and got in the water (after a healthy breakfast). We kayaked for two hours on what was a beautiful day. The water was clear, the sky was blue, and the sun was high in the sky, and I had great company.
As the afternoon came upon us, the wind came up and kayaking became more strenious and less...fun. We headed back to my dad's place and enjoyed the sun. I went into the house, got us a couple of beers, and we were relaxing. After about three sips of her beer, JMFJT was starting to feel awful. She was sweating but it was a cold sweat. She needed to lay down. I we tried to negoiate the twelve steps between the back yard and inside the house, she sat down in the middle of the deck. (Had I known a little bit of her medical history, none of the following would have happened...well some of it would...but...you'll see...) I do wish that I had the gift of language to describe the position she was sitting in but it was comical. That being said, I was afriad to laugh. I was afraid she may die and then what am I going to do? Me with a dead girl in the Berkshires?!? Yeah, I would be doing time for that.
At this point, JMFJT mumbles something inaudible (which was supposed to be "Don't call anyone") and lays down. Being concerned that she was...well...going to come back as a zombie and eat me (this is Lovecraft country after all), I try to get her back to a sitting position. This was the wrong thing to do as she promptly passes out again. Eyes rolled in the back of her head passed out. Me thinking that she is seizing passed out. The very real possibility of having a DEAD GIRL IN A HOUSE I DON'T OWN IN A STATE THAT I DON'T LIVE IN. She then started to choke. I lifted her up and got her head between her knees so she didn't pull a Mama Cass and I was sitting behind her, propping her up and praying. That's when she starts to fart. On me. The almost dead choking girl was farting on me.
The next door neighbor sees that something is going on and I ask him to call 9-1-1. (This was also a mistake) As the neighbor is on the phone, she starts coming to.
Her first question: "Am I fucking drooling?"
Yes, yes she was.
I got her a water, and heard the sirens.
As it is on a private road, I went to the front of the house to grab the EMTs (after putting the dog in the house and checking on JMFJT). When I left, she was sitting on the ground, slightly dazed but okay.
This is not how she was when I returned with the fireman who was the first responder.
She was sitting on one of the high deck chairs, with her Yankees hat and sunglasses on, and greeted the fireman with a cheerful, "Hi. How are you?"
She ended up being fine, as well as being awesome when it came to knowing her own blood pressure, and I felt awful for calling the EMTs but...dead girl, Berkshires, and either being eaten by a zombie or going to the House of Corrections. (As an apropos of nothing, the reason Marky Mark got so big so quickly was because he was going to do time in the House of Corrections and he didn't want to be traded for a pack of cigarettes. Good vibrations indeed. However, it is easy to get big quick at 17. Not so much at 36.)
Luckily, we can laugh about it. And...
She farted first in front of me.
*It was not only beer. I introduced JMFJT to the beverage that is known as the "Rum and Coke". This very well may be her downfall, as they are tasty and go down too well for anyone. JMFJT is traditionally a Coors' Light drinker. To paraphrase Ron Burgundy,"(Rum) was a bad choice."
From the dating files
The weekend previous to my birthday, I had a craptacular Thursday night.
To be honest, it started off well. I made a decent dinner for myself and I was home watching one of my favorite bad films. (For those following along at home, it was "Sliding Doors".)
Around 9:30, I heard a knock on the door that terrified me, and it was someone that I haven't spoken to in a year who came over to tell me basically that I was pathetic, and yes, she may have been correct, and yes, I may have believed her.
Anyway, the following day, I wanted to spend the afternoon at Wolff's with some friends, and I texted or e-mails a number of people. ECS, Johnny B., and JMFJT were the ones that showed up. We drank beer. It was good.
Now, let me tell you some background on JMFJT (as most of you have read about ECS and Johnny B). I met JMFJT at the beginning of the summer and there was a spark there. She is tall, smart, and stunning. She also is snarkier than I am and drinks well. It is like the Flying Spagetti Monster made someone for me using His Noodley Appendages to craft someone perfect. So, why didn't I ask her out then and there?
Let's just say that there were some complications, and as Lemon, Fish, PVH1976, ECS & Squiggles know, I struggled with it. Ultimately deciding that while she was wonderful, I did not deserve someone that wonderful. "Why?", you ask. Because...I know that I suck...plus...complications.
So, back to the weekend before last...
I wanted to go out, surround myself with friends, and drink German beer because I may have been pathetic.
I send out the text and I hear back from JMFJT who asked if I sent the text to the correct person. Joy. This was not looking well. I assured her that yes, I was inviting her. There was an incident from the week before where I told someone something about JMFJT and when she found out about it, she was upset with the person but not with me, yet I felt like a bad person. See above. I know that I suck
Fast forward to 4:30. ECS is there already and JMFJT shows up. I am recounting the beginning of the story about the night before when I was confronted with my patheticness, and JMFJT offers her opinion. (JMFJT is incapable of not sharing her opinion if she has one, and it is one of her many great qualities.) Mostly that the woman from the night before was insane. We have beer, Johnny B. shows up, we have more beer. ECS has to leave. Johnny B. gets called into work, and JMFJT and I decide to go to the Lionheart. We talked, and laughed, and had a great time.
We are having such a great time that I do not want it to end.
And that's when karaoke sounded like a good idea.
The issue with this is that I am covered in fiberglass and dust from Habitat and I need a shower. JMFJT offers a solution that works (going to her place and me showering there while she gets ready so we can kick ass) and we drive down to my house. Well, she drives, because the idea of me behind the wheel of a car after that much beer is shockingly horrible.
As she is parking, she starts talking to me about questions that she had every right to have answered but...because I am pathetic...and because she looked so wonderful...I shut her up.
And that is the story of our first kiss.
To be honest, it started off well. I made a decent dinner for myself and I was home watching one of my favorite bad films. (For those following along at home, it was "Sliding Doors".)
Around 9:30, I heard a knock on the door that terrified me, and it was someone that I haven't spoken to in a year who came over to tell me basically that I was pathetic, and yes, she may have been correct, and yes, I may have believed her.
Anyway, the following day, I wanted to spend the afternoon at Wolff's with some friends, and I texted or e-mails a number of people. ECS, Johnny B., and JMFJT were the ones that showed up. We drank beer. It was good.
Now, let me tell you some background on JMFJT (as most of you have read about ECS and Johnny B). I met JMFJT at the beginning of the summer and there was a spark there. She is tall, smart, and stunning. She also is snarkier than I am and drinks well. It is like the Flying Spagetti Monster made someone for me using His Noodley Appendages to craft someone perfect. So, why didn't I ask her out then and there?
Let's just say that there were some complications, and as Lemon, Fish, PVH1976, ECS & Squiggles know, I struggled with it. Ultimately deciding that while she was wonderful, I did not deserve someone that wonderful. "Why?", you ask. Because...I know that I suck...plus...complications.
So, back to the weekend before last...
I wanted to go out, surround myself with friends, and drink German beer because I may have been pathetic.
I send out the text and I hear back from JMFJT who asked if I sent the text to the correct person. Joy. This was not looking well. I assured her that yes, I was inviting her. There was an incident from the week before where I told someone something about JMFJT and when she found out about it, she was upset with the person but not with me, yet I felt like a bad person. See above. I know that I suck
Fast forward to 4:30. ECS is there already and JMFJT shows up. I am recounting the beginning of the story about the night before when I was confronted with my patheticness, and JMFJT offers her opinion. (JMFJT is incapable of not sharing her opinion if she has one, and it is one of her many great qualities.) Mostly that the woman from the night before was insane. We have beer, Johnny B. shows up, we have more beer. ECS has to leave. Johnny B. gets called into work, and JMFJT and I decide to go to the Lionheart. We talked, and laughed, and had a great time.
We are having such a great time that I do not want it to end.
And that's when karaoke sounded like a good idea.
The issue with this is that I am covered in fiberglass and dust from Habitat and I need a shower. JMFJT offers a solution that works (going to her place and me showering there while she gets ready so we can kick ass) and we drive down to my house. Well, she drives, because the idea of me behind the wheel of a car after that much beer is shockingly horrible.
As she is parking, she starts talking to me about questions that she had every right to have answered but...because I am pathetic...and because she looked so wonderful...I shut her up.
And that is the story of our first kiss.
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