Responsible Parenting

The other day, FAU and I were talking about something (I forget what the context was) and the activities of another set of parents came up. At that moment, we both reaffirmed that we were not criticizing the actions of the other parents, we would have just done it differently.

That is generally my modus operandi when it comes to other people's kids and the various parenting styles. Most people are trying their hardest to do right by their children and they love them, care for them, and are trying to make them better people. They deserve a certain amount of respect when it comes to the choices they are making regarding their children. This is one of those things that most parents (and most people) understand.

And then there are those who don't.

(NB: I may have been one of these people at one point. I have, on occasion, seen the world through binary influenced lenses. I now try to maintain a more nuanced point of view. This may be the start of wisdom.)

When these people are parents (to children, their pets don't count, no matter how much they claim that their dog/cat/weasel is "just like a child"...because...would you leave a child in the house all day with a bowl of water and a bowl of kibble while you went out to work?), I will me more tempted to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they have picked up on something that I haven't or actually have seen something that was against the shared values that most of us have.

When these people are not parents, and use the stock phrase "What kind of parent...", it drives me up the wall. (Note, I am not saying that the ability to have unprotected sex imparts any knowledge innately, however, what I am saying is that if you haven't done it, you are in no position to criticize as situation unless you are ACTIVELY involved in the lives of the children and parents or if the parents are engaging in neglect, et cetera.) This morning, while perusing my social media feeds, I saw someone use the phrase "responsible parents wouldn't..." from a woman who has nothing but pets. Now, I don't know this woman at all. I assume that she is reasonably intelligent, thinks out what she may say, and considers her words carefully, but that could be misreading the person entirely. "Responsible parents wouldn't..." sticks out to me, especially when none of us know the extent of a situation (it was a dog bite with a family pet and a toddler) because if her dog bit my child, would it be her fault, as a responsible bog owner? Yeah, yeah, yeah...false equivalency, I know.

Bad things happen all the time, and we are so quick to assess blame, especially when it comes to parenting, but...take some time, and think it through, before you start making value judgments that are at best ill-informed and at worst a sign of bigotry.