The Thrill That Kills

Crack is awful. No one doubts that. Look at the famous people who smoke crack. Charlie Sheen. Oprah. With a N of 2, you know that crack is bad.

(If you doubt that crack is bad, check this out. NSFW. Sorta. Not Safe For Anyone, really. Paige sent me this link years ago. I still have not forgiven her for it. Yes, that is a diaper.)

Let's get back in our WABAC machine to the 1980s. Crack was killing our inner-cities. Len Bias was dying. LT was crushing quarterbacks, using the services of three prostitutes a night, and was smoking more rock than Kilauea. And as mentioned, Oprah even tried it.

So, who are we going to have speak to the youth of America about the deadly danger that is crack?

Who in the 1980s had the gravitas to help people "Just Say No"?

How about Pee Wee Herman?

Yes, seriously. Pee Wee.

I am just wondering how this came about. I can picture it.

Zoom in on office in high rise in LA.

Sitting around a desk are three guys with awful hair and worse suits, rubbing their eyes (and noses) and looking much the worse for wear

Guy #1: We need to do a PSA about crack.
Guy #2: Who should be get?
Guy #3: Michael J. Fox.
Guy #2: Too Canadian.
Guy #1: Mark Harmon.
Guy #3: No. He has AIDS or something.*
Guy #2: Robin Williams.
Guy #3: Mork? Really? Are you high right now?
Guy #2: No, I am coming down. How about Pee Wee Herman?
Guy #1: Brilliant. I will get Jerry Stahl** to script it and we will direct and produce it.
Guy #3: Great. Let me call to get a table at Spago.

This is the only way that the above advertisement could have come about. Well, it could have come about in other ways. But it happened this way.

Pee Wee was weird. He had a very subversive show with the Groundlings and then a very odd "childrens' show" called Pee Wee's Playhouse. Watching his show as a twelve year old was like being high. Pee Wee was awesome but he was no one's hero or role model.

Pee Wee telling us not to smoke crack would be like me offering you lessons in maintaining stable relationships. It does not make sense.

But in the 1980s, this seemed like a good idea.

Is there subtext to this that I am missing...like..."Don't smoke crack, or Pee Wee will kill your entire family. Look at that face! You know he is capable of it."?

Is that what I am missing?

Or am I off about this?

*His character, Dr. Robert Cadwell, contracted HIV on St. Elsewhere.
** Yes, Jerry Stahl was addicted to heroin, but...come on. It was an easy joke. Permanent Midnight is worth the read and the viewing.