I swear it wasn't something I ate...

When I found myself getting read for bed at 10:30, I was proud because I was tired and I was letting my body tell me when it was time to sleep. When I woke up at three thirty in a cold sweat because of the dreams I was having, I doubted the efficacy of my plan.

I did write some notes, but as it was three thirty, and my handwriting is not the best under better circumstances, all I get from them is an illegible scrawl of terror.

The dream started off nicely enough. It was a sunny day and I was walking into a bar to presumably get another beverage. At this point, I ran into one of the two women who referred to me as pathetic last year (at least to me, I am sure that there were far more of them, I am just unaware that my existence is pathos-inducing for them) and then it got weird. There was some sort of ninja attack at the bar, and multiple events were happening concurrently. The ninjas were attacking, WWRTMAP* was coordinating the attack, and all I could think of was getting another beer and getting to the jukebox. For some completely absurd reason, I believed that playing the right song would force the ninjas (ninjettes actually as they were women) to go to sleep. For the life of me, I cannot remember the song, but I did write down "Elton John" so I am going to assume that the ninjettes were going to be subdued by "Tiny Dancer". Just go with it...



Anyway, I never got to the jukebox, because WWRTMAP lost control of the ninjettes, who went on a brutal killing spree and then...wait for it...exploded, their viscera coating the walls like a demented Jackson Pollock piece. WWRTMAP grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out a side door, and then she called me pathetic again and blamed me for her loss of control of her ninjettes and then demanded that I help her clean ninjette blood off the walls or pay for someone to do it, because it was all my fault.

For some reason that made sense in the dream, I handed her a bunch of money (all that was in my wallet, which may have been all the money I had in the world) and told her that it wasn't my fault but I was going to do it anyway because I felt I needed to do it. Dream me also believed the money to be counterfeit, so there is that.

At that point, WWRTMAP started slapping (and not in the sexy and enjoyable way) and screaming at me because she did not need or want my charity and she was a strong woman capable of doing anything that she put her mind to. I agreed with her (because WWRTMAP is entirely capable and because I did not want to get hit any more) and that only infuriated her further. I backed away from her, her voice raised to the level of a jumbo jet at takeoff, and found the latch for the gate. I threw the cash at her (which is hindsight, was completely passive aggressive on my part) and ran into the street.

I had no cash, I was covered in gore, and I was terrified. I went into the park (Washington, I believe) and found the Lake House, after being chased by a homeless person (which was a definite shout out to The Unnamed) and there was a party going on there. There was a server passing out beers, and I grabbed one and sat down. The host came over, knew my name, and started asking about the incident at the earlier bar. I didn't think to ask him how he knew about it. He then asked if I had spoken to the police because they wanted to talk to me after killing all those ninjettes.

And that is when I woke up.

*Woman Who Referred To Me As Pathetic